'all we seem to know is how to show the feelings that are wrong'
that's exactly how i feel right now, self sabotaging. voluntary movements based on involuntary nerve connections. lack of control and will to grow. creative expression? replaced by forced objective standards. but i have subjective subject matters and missed sublimities. i missed the assignment on meaning to any of this.
i want to run. home.away.anywhere. drama, drama, go away, come again, another day!
I have a Failed States (failed) midterm tomorrow. i don't know. anything ever really though. study or sleep or study and sleep or study. maybe ill keep my notes under my pillow tonight for added benefit. maybe the rumpling would just keep me up. The full moon would be jealous, that's his job.
I still haven't had the will/desire/courage to leave my cave. i did have to yesterday, briefly entering the sunny library, melnick poking fun at my out of place awkwardness. funny how it used to be my territory, i guess we shouldn't dwell on our conquests.
5 am (they do exist). Bright Eyed and busy tailed. Sigh. anxiety of the soul. At least I got to see the greytobluetobright!
i feel like such a demographic lately
bottled up in a small square box
of a large square house
white
educated
middle class(less?)
what if i tattooed all my skin blue
maybe i would feel more round
fauxhawks and long distance phone calls
i'm out of deodorant and toothpaste
i want out of the social norm
Kirk and I painted
amidst a coffee house full of wandering eyes
nonchalant drops of color
splattered our arms
as we laid our souls on the canvas
for everyone to see
i came home to
her bringing down the house
right from under my feet
lyrics engulfing me
full embrace
eyes closed, wrapped comfort
keys striking every chord my heartstrings have left
and
the scent of Christmas cookies reaching my nostrils
maybe my demographics aren't so bad after all
