11.12.10
4.11.10
26.10.10
praying for sleep, coming up uncomfortable
you would swear i would know better. but i never know how.
it's hard falling apart when you never felt together.
8.10.10
12.9.10
6.9.10
for a purportedly smart girl, you're an awfully big moron sometimes.
i find myself opening my mouth before my mind even has a chance to catch up and oh geez the stupid shit that comes out.
nights are getting later. the paints are out. grey blues and bright purple.
hello semester. already feeling behind and shut in. let it begin.
play pretend, fade away
sparks and swims, light me up and soak it in
morning will come, shoes in hand
smiling goodbye, walking away
i knew i would never stay
4.9.10
22.8.10
All I can think of are houses that stand on the edge of cliffs that crumble, fall, drown into the dark blue abyss below, i'll dive in gladly. salt water up to my nostrils and i'd go down, but only on you.
Mel says to update because my last post is Old and Depressing. You're Old and Depressing.
But seriously,
She says,
Maybe someday we'll go on a scavenger hunt and we'll find the answer and everything will be resolved. and then we'll live together in a nice place, but your nice place will be a hut.
And I hope we find it, the world's most giant glue bottle to mend our broken hearts. under a rock in the middle of nowhere, exactly where we're supposed to be. i'd forget not to sniff it all first and we'd be back to square one. better off because finding all the pieces scattered everywhere from the initial explosion of breaking would be near impossible by this point. they've been built over and fenced up across the universe, around the globe. this is how it feels. and it's so much work sometimes it's fucking exhausting.
17.6.10
10.6.10
8.6.10
so it begins
Dear Life,
It was nice having you these past few months. Catchya in two years.
Cheers,
Phunk
6.6.10
27.5.10
Californication
My first trip to SoCal, the dozens of times I've been to the state and never a real reason to visit the Concrete Jungle, known to those with less disdain as the City of Angels. No reason except the copious amounts of beautiful art encased in the city's architectural brilliances and west-coast wonders of museums. and my beautiful family, duh.
Day 1
Arrival. Fuck 5am wake up calls when peacefully sleeping at home, listening to the waves roll into my subconscious. addendum, fuck 5am wake up calls Always. The freeway, oh god the freeway. Antique shopping and scoring finds, as one can only do in high-end, endlessly consumeristic name-brand obsessed fashion cities. Mexican for dinner, oh holy goodness encased in fried corn.
Day Dos
CSUN Northridge graduation for the big guy. The whole excuse for this trip, and a seriously valid one at that. "Arizona must be [fucking] crazy" because my white, Irish boy of a cousin was in the serious minority when it came to race walking across that stage. These second generation, darker-skinned immigrants are not settling to pick in the fields like their parents did, they're not settling to cook enchiladas in a stuffy back room; they're getting their asses in the classroom and earning degrees. Not just in sociology or basket-weaving. They're getting engineering, biology, political science degrees. THEY are going to be the ones running for office, running the country, writing the rule books in a few years. So, really what can Arizona be thinking? Check the bigotry next time your own uneducated, clueless ass crosses over your mcmansion doorstep please.
Day 3
the Big Brother arrives, let the terrorizing begin. Tripping to the West Coast, sunshine and sandy beaches, big houses and salty air. The Getty Villa, an architectural marvel, remember when robber barons with money did cool shit with their bajillions [after they were done screwing everyone over] like open a public museum filled with an absurdly awesome collection? Yeah, cool.
Day 5
The Huntington, possibly one of the coolest museums i've ever been to in the space between the world's two largest oceans. Ridiculous gardens and grounds surrounding beautiful buildings encompassing classics.
[alien cactus garden] [bonsai garden]
roses and roses and roses
The Library is one of the most all-encompassing research libraries in the united states. And it was fucking epic to walk through. To see an original John Locke letter, the hand that helped form the very basis of our society, helped hash out the principles that formed the standard for democracy.
Seeing one of the first Shakespeare folio's, the world's theatre would never be the same. And Bukowski's hand editing the fucked-up scenes straight off his typewriter. Smiling thinking of a mad man drilling away at the paper.
Smiling at the encompassing knowledge spinning around that exhibit, the endless hours and tireless work that went into helping spread knowledge in this world, that went into helping engrain it in society, worldwide, until it became as fundamental as breathing to our daily routines.
13.5.10
winter was it or summer
crashingly beautiful into the pavement, sliding on raindrops in skyscraper higher heels feeling for a gash that i didn't feel couldn't remember getting over a left eyebrow, running fingers over, grasping at strands trying not to not to quit. just to recall anything about yesterday.
brighter pink nails and shiny skin, i'd let you slip between my. palms and hold my hand if you looked into my eyes and didn't let go when i started to show what i really am.
12.5.10
currently
a little confused. a lot scared. always emotionally unavailable. and more than able to fuck everything up.
25.4.10
an April thought
i've had this feeling at the back of my throat, from the back roads of the last little while. it comes out in the mornings after nights of torrent everything. a little frog that reminds we are only human and you can only go so far. croak croak croak he speaks, nothing above a whisper.
he only screams to keep your distance.
love, peace and mad bitches. the fact that you send me wishes like these is the reason you're my soulmate.
"1) that you will celebrate 4/20 with organic goodness and "chocolate cake" oh to hell with the i'm talking about pot brownies
2) that you wear plaid
3) that you love life
4) that you act like the little Piglet I know you are- red balloon and all
5) that you not own a brush
6) that you have a lovely long yoga session
7) that everybody treats you like a princess even though you probably think princesses are stupid
8) that you go out tonight and spend 30 minutes trying different combinations of outfits that no one else would look good in because no one else can pull off a hipster vibe in rochester like the Funk
9) that you weight lift with grape nuts before you go o ut so that you're toned for the bar
10) that you pick wildflowers growing up through the sidewalk
11) that you have nice weather
12) that your soccer team plays really well
13) that everyone you don't like gets a bloody nose
14) that you find something you lost
15) that you light candles in memory of psycho D
16) that you obtain an avocado and eat it
17) that your yellow and red bike mate and form a hybrid for me
18) that you don't trip and fall down
19) that everything is a big hat (and therefore funny?)
20) that your car purrs like a kitten and roars like a tiger
21) that you win the lottery and give it all to charity
22) that you snot rocket on another cute boy
23) that you get stoked to see me on friday "
2) that you wear plaid
3) that you love life
4) that you act like the little Piglet I know you are- red balloon and all
5) that you not own a brush
6) that you have a lovely long yoga session
7) that everybody treats you like a princess even though you probably think princesses are stupid
8) that you go out tonight and spend 30 minutes trying different combinations of outfits that no one else would look good in because no one else can pull off a hipster vibe in rochester like the Funk
9) that you weight lift with grape nuts before you go o ut so that you're toned for the bar
10) that you pick wildflowers growing up through the sidewalk
11) that you have nice weather
12) that your soccer team plays really well
13) that everyone you don't like gets a bloody nose
14) that you find something you lost
15) that you light candles in memory of psycho D
16) that you obtain an avocado and eat it
17) that your yellow and red bike mate and form a hybrid for me
18) that you don't trip and fall down
19) that everything is a big hat (and therefore funny?)
20) that your car purrs like a kitten and roars like a tiger
21) that you win the lottery and give it all to charity
22) that you snot rocket on another cute boy
23) that you get stoked to see me on friday "
19.4.10
Summer's fast approaching. This time of year always races by on bicycles and tan legs. It's funny to think just a year ago how different everything was. I'm happy to say this was probably the most productive year of my life. It's easy to think that happens a lot just out of college. Young and idealistic, we still think we have the capability to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. I don't slouch yet.
The city is alive with anticipation of sunny dazes and a foggy mind from the heat of happiness. or happiness of heat, i forget which one.
It was heavy with humidity today and I longed to be in the water, although I was happy to be hanging out with the kids. It was a little different today; one spoke of his mother addicted to crack and his thirteen year old sister flunking out. What do you say? What can you. I'm sure SB would know but I was quite at a loss for words, only able to lend my capability as open ears.
We did a sex workshop later on, it was interesting. Duh, it's sex, it always is. There is so much pressure for kids not to have sex. Period.Fact. But also to have sex at the same time. It's like a competition to see how confusing life can get. How could they possibly manage and not feel guilty or strange about something that comes naturally. I just want to tell them it's Okay and just make sure, more than anything, you use a fucking condom. Is it okay though? and When? Everyone does it, they're going to, telling them not to can only fuck with their heads. back to Is it okay? back to When? Don't feel guilty, don't be embarrassed. Don't feel alone. Do they need to hear that? Or was it just me.
16.4.10
a sliver of moon tonight, a few stars and a lot of clouds. south wind whispers of summer's sweet approach as laughter wafts down the dark streets. theres a recent softness in the air. i smell gold eyeshadow and nude lips. the touch of your kiss. sunburned thighs and tan lines. short skirts and longer hair. a sense of love without a care...
14.4.10
3.4.10
I wrote this last year, but it's exactly how I'm feeling meow. Ugh, frustrated with the blooming flowers and endless legs and heavy air of spring.
i miss the cold. the pristine snow and its superfluous glow, beneath blueblack skies, strewn with stars unexplored, answers hidden behind your eyes. i miss the cold. chill to the bones just to remind you you're alive.
i miss the cold.
because only the necessities survive.
1.4.10
31.3.10
on growing ivy...
sawankie: you were all like - dude, i'm not gonna get in; dude i don't know; dude where's my bong...
18.3.10
i believe
in love at first sight.i believe that good intentions make all the difference.i believe in staring at the stars until the night sky becomes a blur.i believe that if you have a good heart, you can fight anything.i believe in skinny dipping after midnight and i sure as hell believe in the ability to laugh through it all.
10.3.10
I remember when I was really young and how obsessively weird I was about some things. I always had to have a bowl of cereal before bed, before telling mom at exactly the same time every night that I couldn't sleep, before I actually tried to sleep. Spit three times after brushing your teeth and always kiss your stuffed animals goodnight with an iloveyou. some things never change, but nothing stays the same.
missing m&d. i could eat grape nuts all night right now.
15.2.10
3.2.10
25.1.10
19.1.10
11.1.10
3.1.10
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
