i'm not sure, i never was. it's so hard to grasp things i don't understand

relationships and

longings and

letting goes.

i've needed to cry for the last while but my body won't let me, it can't because i know i'm happy and i know i'm stronger than that. i'm scared something will trigger it and this verge of water will overflow in an embarrassing and weak moment.

sometimes it's fine, great really, happy truly. but there is still this hole that you left in my heart and it's wrecking my head.