Do you ever find yourself getting caught up in something so insignificant but with potential for so much hidden meaning it's surreal? And then the over-analization of analyzing begins and the ever-encompassing spiral of questions occurs. Then a tattoo. and an impulsive piercing. and a mohawk. But the other things turn out to have at least of little bit of significance now that you have a clear head (without much hair). 

We lost the raft.

She's given me so much, 

I guess we all need to be selfish sometimes. 

I was in a weird place. 

Sitting in class but I felt so far away, from the discourse, the scene, the information being overwhelmingly spewed into my brain. A Professor's ability to actually make me think on my own, create theory. develop pure mental chaos swirling at uncontrollable rates capable of breaking the speed barrier (or at least my ability to sit still) 

and then I was just somewhere else. encumbered by a feeling of complete and unreserved inadequacy. physically, mentally. but that's not me. that's not what I do. and I panicked, why was I feeling like that? It was because of someone else. But no one else should make you feel so sparse, more undesirable than I ever had in my life. I think I realize that, but it didn't make it go away. 

I'm twenty-one without a regret, 

but you're sure as hell the closest I've come yet.